maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
