I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
