I think my vagina is haunted
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
