I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
