You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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