The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize