i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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