you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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