me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
