and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
