thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
