i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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