I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
