If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
