Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
