I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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