Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
