Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
