we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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