Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
