Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
not ubering you a puppy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
