i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your cock deserves a montage
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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