bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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