I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
