I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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