see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
