I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
