I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
