Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
