I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
