found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
