After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
