tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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