I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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