So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
