Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
