where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we still banned from the library?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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