wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
