guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
