A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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