There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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