my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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