Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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