Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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