i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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