jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
