Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
