i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
