I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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