trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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