sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
