yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
