i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
