So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
