Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
