I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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