Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
