adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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