I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
