I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
