Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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