Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
