If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.