I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.