you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.