it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".