I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases