pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
