i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
