i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
