Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I think i got beer on your cat.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
