Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
