Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
