like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
