Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
