I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
