y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
