We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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