I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
