maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
